Thank you, New York City

Happy August!! I don’t know about you but August came WAY TOO FAST.

I have two words and one finger for the self-doubt that has held me hostage for most of my forty-nine years! Thanks to an ever supportive family and friends, an expensive surgery and a couple of life changing trips this summer … I finally figured out that I’m good enough as I am. I’m going to repeat that as its new and exciting … I am fantastic just the way I am. WOW!! That feels amazing.

As of my last dr appt, I’ve lost just over two hundred pounds. That is a person! I realize the common opinion is that weight loss surgery is the easy way out but I can assure you … there is nothing easy about this process. I still have a ways to go to the doctor’s goal but, if I never lose another pound, I will love myself exactly where I am. I am more mobile that I’ve been since high school. I can fit in a single airplane seat. I can fit comfortable in any booth. I can keep up with my niece. And, I look damn good. All that to say, even with my loose skin, I’m happy with my body.

So, how did I locate this elusive self-acceptance? Excellent question. I have zero clue. I was sitting on a bench alone in Central Park last week and BOOM. It hit me that I’ve accomplished enough. I have nothing else to prove.

  • Degrees … check
  • Three books published … check
  • Kind and caring person … yep

I’m doing alright. So, on that bench, I decided that no more f*#ks would be given to the haters. No more energy would be wasted on whether I was good enough. The rest of the years I have left will be spent doing the things that make me the happiest. Man, I feel like I’ve grown so much in one summer.

Now, does this mean the work stops. NEVER! Since my epiphany, I realized I need to head back into therapy to ensure I don’t slide back into the land of self-doubt. So, that’s on the immediate agenda. Does it mean I will stop writing? Nope! In fact, the pressure seems to have been lifted and the voices are slowly getting louder. Does it mean I get to stop working out? I freakin wish. I think the hard work is just beginning.

What’s next for me?!? Another excellent question. I have zero clue. But, for the first time in a very long time, I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen.

CP

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